Part 6 – The Crown – Displaying God’s Beautiful Plan
In the last post, we learned about some of the characteristics of “rotten bones” and the tragic prognosis if the underlying issues are left untreated. I found it fascinating as I studied that many (not all) diseases of the bone are caused by deficiencies. Some are caused by nutritional deficiencies – a lack of Vitamin D, calcium, and other important nutrients. Some are caused by a lack of blood supply to the affected bone(s). While some have genetic or other origins, the majority were caused by deficiencies.
I make note of this because it is true that our wrong attitudes and actions can be very damaging and detrimental to our husbands. It is equally true that it is not enough to just try to avoid that which is wrong. We need to be sure that we are providing the essential nutrients that our husbands need.
Please don’t misunderstand. We, as wives, can never provide for our husbands what only God can give. There are certain “lifelines” that we can never provide. These must flow from the source of life, the Lord Jesus Himself. However, God does give us clear instruction for how He desires us to behave toward our husbands. As we examine the characteristics of a good and godly wife, I hope that it will motivate us to seek to please the Lord as we love and serve our husbands. There are specific responsibilities that God has placed upon us as wives, and He desires to help provide for our husbands’ needs through us. I hope that each of us will desire that our husbands will not have deficiencies in their lives because we are not fulfilling the role that God intended for us.
As we have considered the harm that the wrong kind of wife can inflict, I am grateful that the mirror of the Word of God does not just reveal what is wrong in our lives, it is also profitable for correction and instruction in righteousness. God teaches us how to be wives that will please Him and protect and honor our husbands.
So, what are some of the “crowning characteristics” of the virtuous woman toward her husband?
- She guards his passion (Pro. 31:11).
A crown symbolizes protection.
Remember that the word “crown” has the idea of encircling and protecting. As wives, one of our most important duties is that of guarding the heart of our husband. The key verse in Proverbs 31 is verse 11, “The heart of her husband doth safely trust in her…”.
We certainly cannot do this without the Lord’s help, but with His help, we need to seek to ensure that our husbands can always trust us.
Our husbands should be able to trust our virtue. They should be able to trust us with their dreams and even their fears. They should be able to trust us with their children, their money, and their confidences. There should be no area of life where our husbands cannot safely trust in us.
Trust is vital to any successful relationship. If you have broken trust in the past, be willing to work to restore it. Be willing to be accountable and to set safeguards in place to help “shore up” any areas of weakness.
It is a visible reminder of the resources the king has at his disposal. A dirty and tarnished crown would be a poor reflection on the king. In the same way, we should desire to be a crown to our husbands by being good stewards of the resources he provides.
In I Timothy 5:14, God says that we are to “…guide the house, and give none occasion to the adversary to speak reproachfully.”
As we look through Proverbs 31, we see that the virtuous woman was a capable and diligent homemaker. She took her job seriously. The Bible says in verse 27, “She looketh well to the ways of her household, and eateth not the bread of idleness.” In verse 13 it says, “…she worketh willingly with her hands.”
In these verses, we see that she not only did the right thing – she worked – but she did it with the right attitude – willingly. She got up early to make preparations for the day. She made sure that her family had adequate food and clothing. She was careful with the finances and made things that she could sell. (By the way, this does not imply that she was some type of modern-day career woman. She made things at home and delivered them to the merchant. Her primary place of industry and influence was in her home.)
She paid attention not only to practicality, but to beauty as well. “She maketh herself coverings of tapestry, her clothing is silk and purple.” (Pro. 31:22)
As wives, we need to take our role as keepers at home seriously (Tit. 2:4-5). We need to do our work willingly and well. This doesn’t mean our homes have to be a “showplace”, but we should do our work there with as much energy and enthusiasm as we would if someone were paying us to do it. We should be creative and conscientious about the care and keeping of our homes. When we do, our husbands will find home a place of rest and enjoyment, not a place to which he dreads returning each day. Seek to make your home is a place of which your husband is not ashamed.
- She gratifies him physically (Pro. 31:11; Pro. 5; I Cor. 7)
A crown symbolizes possession.
Not just any man can wear a king’s crown. It belongs exclusively to him.
As wives, we need to remember that the marital relationship is a beautiful and exclusive one. There are many things that other people can do or provide for my husband if I cannot, but this area of marriage is the responsibility of the wife and no one else. Because of that, if we fail to provide for our husbands sexually, we are leaving him with a dangerous deficiency and vulnerability.
Isn’t it strange that many people seem to have no problem watching or talking about immorality, yet talking about physical intimacy in marriage often seems to be uncomfortable or off-limits? Worse yet, sex in marriage is often treated as something foolish or burdensome, even by Christian women. We should always have modesty, prudence, and discretion when talking about sexuality, but God does have some clear guidelines in this area, and we would be wise to learn and follow them and to teach them to the next generation as well.
“Marriage is honourable in all, and the bed undefiled…” (Heb. 13:4). Sexual intimacy in marriage was created by God and is seen as honorable by God. Our world has the idea that sex before or outside of marriage is exciting and gratifying, but that sex within marriage is dull and unfulfilling. Shame on us if we believe, practice, or promote that lie! God’s Word teaches just the opposite. Hebrews 13:4 begins with, “Marriage is honorable…”, but continues, “…but whoremongers and adulterers God will judge.” God desires that the intimate, physical part of marriage be beautiful, enjoyable, and fulfilling for both spouses.
He warns us about the dangers of withholding ourselves physically from our spouse unless it is by agreement by both parties for the purpose of prayer and fasting (I Cor. 7). I’ve heard a lot of reasons why women withhold sex from their husbands, but I’ve yet to hear that one!
There is no doubt that there are times when we are physically ill or have other legitimate reasons, but these should be the exception, not the rule.
God commands our husbands to be satisfied and “ravished” always with our love (Pro. 5), but it is more than a little bit difficult for him to do that if we are always avoiding him. Look for ways to stay in love with your husband, not just emotionally, but physically. Flirt with him. Make time for him. Let him know how much you love him.
There are still four more ways we can be a crown to our husband! Don’t miss Part 7, Displaying God’s Beautiful Plan, cont.